Response to a Group Moderator
I received email today from a group moderator. First she mentions my "rocky time" on the group and apologizes for her group's less than gracious behavior. She also informs me that I am now unsubscribed from her list because I posted responses to posts from her group on this blog, using quotes, without ever asking anyone.
So here is my response to her email:
Dear Sally,
Thank you for your email and your kind words. My time on the group wasn't all that rocky for me, but it obviously was for you and your group. I cannot help that, since I didn't hurt anybody's feelings - How could I, since my posts were sitting in your moderator's inbox and never made it to the group. I said in my initial post that I did NOT want to discuss polygamy, but nobody ever really read that, it seems, which is not untypical, so you and your group made it rocky for yourself, and used me as an excuse to drag up all kinds of issues.
When you finally wrote your post inviting everyone to share their thoughts, that "everyone" obviously excluded me, since my voice was unwanted on your group. Your post was very open, inviting comments on everything, and so my lifestyle somehow ended up being part of many people's comments. It's an interesting position to be in, to be talked about and even talked at ("Talitha, if you are still a member of this group, ..."), without the chance to respond, which simple courtesy would already demand. So as for me quoting emails on our blog and probably also on the website without asking: Did you really feel comfortable with shutting me up like that and yet let others trash me, more or less openly, and you chimed in yourself too, more or less openly, and now do you really find it appropriate to complain that I had my say elsewhere "without asking" ? It sounds an awful lot like this is a most welcome excuse for you to get rid of me... You could have done that a long time ago and without any excuse, since it is your group, and you decide who you allow to join.
Since you would not let me talk to your group when they were talking to/about me, I used different ways to answer. Not even the post in which I explained why I preferred to address the topic polygamy on the website did you let go through, so how else do you suggest should I have said what I had to say? You obviously preferred for me to remain silent, both on your group and everywhere else. That didn't happen.
No names were mentioned when I quoted emails, nobody was personally attacked or slandered here, and if I had been granted the chance to post these things on your group, like the ordinary member that I was should be allowed to, I would gladly have done so. But you denied me that chance, thereby creating the problem that you now use as a reason to unsubscribe me from your group. Oh, by the way, I suppose you do not expect an answer to the standardized goodbye file, since the message in there doesn't make sense when applied to our little situation here.
You all felt confident enough to agree that polygamy is sin, that I am living in sin, though somehow you also all ended up saying that that's not a judgment. I commented on this blog about it, pointing out the difference between following God's assessments and relying on our own understanding. God does not condemn polygamy, he doesn't even make a difference between monogamy and polygamy, but calls both marriage. To say otherwise is to judge according to our own understanding. Yes, God is judgmental, very much so, and if you truly believe that He is sovereign, you should follow His judgments like His commandments. Calling for no judgment at all means to ignore God's supreme rule over all areas of life.
So here's my $0.02 worth on the whole matter. I hope your group will have smoother times in the future, and not be confronted with biblical truths anymore.
Grace and Peace,
Talitha
Technorati Tags: group discussion, polygamy, judgment, Joshuah's House
So here is my response to her email:
Dear Sally,
Thank you for your email and your kind words. My time on the group wasn't all that rocky for me, but it obviously was for you and your group. I cannot help that, since I didn't hurt anybody's feelings - How could I, since my posts were sitting in your moderator's inbox and never made it to the group. I said in my initial post that I did NOT want to discuss polygamy, but nobody ever really read that, it seems, which is not untypical, so you and your group made it rocky for yourself, and used me as an excuse to drag up all kinds of issues.
When you finally wrote your post inviting everyone to share their thoughts, that "everyone" obviously excluded me, since my voice was unwanted on your group. Your post was very open, inviting comments on everything, and so my lifestyle somehow ended up being part of many people's comments. It's an interesting position to be in, to be talked about and even talked at ("Talitha, if you are still a member of this group, ..."), without the chance to respond, which simple courtesy would already demand. So as for me quoting emails on our blog and probably also on the website without asking: Did you really feel comfortable with shutting me up like that and yet let others trash me, more or less openly, and you chimed in yourself too, more or less openly, and now do you really find it appropriate to complain that I had my say elsewhere "without asking" ? It sounds an awful lot like this is a most welcome excuse for you to get rid of me... You could have done that a long time ago and without any excuse, since it is your group, and you decide who you allow to join.
Since you would not let me talk to your group when they were talking to/about me, I used different ways to answer. Not even the post in which I explained why I preferred to address the topic polygamy on the website did you let go through, so how else do you suggest should I have said what I had to say? You obviously preferred for me to remain silent, both on your group and everywhere else. That didn't happen.
No names were mentioned when I quoted emails, nobody was personally attacked or slandered here, and if I had been granted the chance to post these things on your group, like the ordinary member that I was should be allowed to, I would gladly have done so. But you denied me that chance, thereby creating the problem that you now use as a reason to unsubscribe me from your group. Oh, by the way, I suppose you do not expect an answer to the standardized goodbye file, since the message in there doesn't make sense when applied to our little situation here.
You all felt confident enough to agree that polygamy is sin, that I am living in sin, though somehow you also all ended up saying that that's not a judgment. I commented on this blog about it, pointing out the difference between following God's assessments and relying on our own understanding. God does not condemn polygamy, he doesn't even make a difference between monogamy and polygamy, but calls both marriage. To say otherwise is to judge according to our own understanding. Yes, God is judgmental, very much so, and if you truly believe that He is sovereign, you should follow His judgments like His commandments. Calling for no judgment at all means to ignore God's supreme rule over all areas of life.
So here's my $0.02 worth on the whole matter. I hope your group will have smoother times in the future, and not be confronted with biblical truths anymore.
Grace and Peace,
Talitha
Technorati Tags: group discussion, polygamy, judgment, Joshuah's House
